IT'S YOUR LIFE, SO OWN IT!
Welcome to another edition of Life Mastery, where our focus here is about being the best version of you, you can be, to live a happy and wonderful life.
Last month I used the analogy of being the driver of your own bus, having a sense of direction of where you want to be in life and, taking control of your life as much as you are able. This is a huge subject in itself, but is the first basic step towards self–empowerment.
The Self-empowerment journey is very liberating as you begin to take ownership over your life. In taking responsibility for your life, you become accountable. You slowly start to put the pieces together and begin to see that where you are in life today, is a reflection of your behavior and choices you made yesterday; or at least in the past.
Unfortunately, the more common behavior in society today, is not taking responsibility but instead is called the Victim response: We see this in the U.S.A where ridiculous insurance claims from people shifting the blame for their accident on other parties when it was clearly their own fault .
We all know people like this who constantly blame their predicament on others. Very rarely do you hear these folk accept responsibility for anything. I even hear people trying to blame their weight gain or obesity on other people.
A great example of the victim response reminds me of a little story: I asked an associate of mine how her professional photographs had turned out? She replied by telling me the photographer was hopeless, “I bought a new outfit, had my hair done and the photos were terrible!” I asked why, and she said in a disgruntled reply, “The photographer didn’t manage to make me smile once!”
Some people actually like playing the victim and will enjoy laying blame at someone else‘s feet. This type of person often has drama following them around wherever they go and they get a lot of attention when relaying all the details to an audience.
But in fairness there are those that always blame others because they don’t know any other way. Perhaps it is just out of ignorance; following their parent’s lead and it is purely a case of conditioning.
However, once people see the light, let go of playing the victim and start taking responsibility for their life, amazing changes can happen. A new level of joy can be reached as you understand the power is yours along with a new attitude to move your life into whatever direction you wish.
So in summery, Stop the blame game! Take control of your life by taking responsibility for you, your words, your actions and your behaviour.
It truly is your choice.
Remember the only limitations in life are the ones you place on yourself!
LEARNING HOW TO SAY NO
Welcome back to another edition of Life Mastery. Last month, I had positive feed back from readers intrigued about gaining control of their life by taking responsibility for it, a tricky concept to grasp but very liberating when you finally understand it.
When we take a step back and observe our life from an objective view, we often see that the problems we face regularly tend to be those, of the same nature that we’ve faced before, only disguised by different faces and places. But if we study closely enough and compare past issues, we may find a common thread carrying through the reoccurring patterns within each situation
I spoke with a lady a few weeks ago who was feeling the victim of being taken advantage of, we will call her Jenny. Jenny explained to me that people were always asking her to do things that she really didn’t want to do such as minding their kids, cutting their hair for free (she is a hairdresser), doing their make up before going out , and the list goes on. She was getting disgruntled with these people and then blaming them for making her feel like she was obligated to say yes.
The recurring pattern was confirmed when Jenny said in frustration, “This always happens to me!” This is a typical statement from a person who allows the same situation to keep happening. Jenny finally asked me for help as she was tired of this same pattern reoccurring.
The first thing Jenny needed to do was acknowledge that other people didn’t know how she felt because she always said yes to whatever they asked. The second and most important thing was that she had the choice to say “NO”. She struggled with saying the word “NO” and so I gave her some alternatives. I suggested she use phrases like – sorry I am unable to at this time, or right now I am not available to help out with that. I also suggested she say it with a lovely smile.
Jenny has been doing well these last few weeks and is amazed that when she explains to her friends “she is not able to help at this time ” generally they just say “oh O.K “ She is starting to break the patterns of victim response by accepting responsibility for how she handles situations.
So, if you can relate to this or you find yourself saying, “this always happens to me”, try to look at what patterns repeat in your life; look at changing how you respond each time and break the established pattern if you want a different outcome.
Remember the only limitations in life are the ones you place on yourself !
BEING FLUENT IN BODY LANGUAGE
I am writing this edition from a beautiful Island in the Indonesian Archipelago . I have visited here on extended stays for months at a time. I use Bahasa Indonesian to communicate, but I have found over the years, I rely 30% on the spoken word and 70% on body language and gestures.
The interesting thing about communicating is that we are not limited to the spoken word or body language alone, and upon careful observation we can pick up the real emotion or message behind the words with more subtle signs. When we understand and use all of these forms of communication we can reach rapport with another person, a very important skill to acquire in life!
Lets take a closer look at how we communicate with another person. The obvious one is the spoken word however, people don’t always say what they really mean, and can still leave you guessing after the event.
Body language will give you more of a clue and some of the basics signs are as follows.
People interested in you will face or lean towards you. If someone is not into you at all, their body is faced away, arms and legs crossed away from you, perhaps their hands or fingers touching their mouth or chin. This is definitely not a person who wants to engage with you at this time.
Tone and pitch are the big giveaways. When a person begins to raise their pitch it can mean that they are nervous, or anxious or upset about the topic, particularly if they start speaking fast and the sentence ends in a higher pitch; so although they may say they are fine, watch out if it is said in a high pitched voice!
Speaking slowly, quietly and calmly is generally associated with a person in control, confident and trustworthy coming from a place of intelligences, ruled by the head and not emotionally ruled by the heart. So if you need to convey these qualities and you aren’t feeling that way…. Fake it till you make it!
There is another form of reading people which is not commonly known, called “Calibrating”. Reading subtle facial signs gives one a huge insight into a person’s real emotion.
Flushing of the skin and ears, widening of the eyes, dilating of the pupils, holding of the breath, widening of the nasal’s, swelling of the lips, darkening and swelling under and around the eyes, are just a few tell tale signs of true feelings present, even if the person says nothing at all.
An interesting subject indeed! So spend some time studying your family and friends and in time you may become good at people reading, and ultimately master the art of rapport.